A Failing Goal

I wasn't feeling very well today so I figured it was a good decision today to stay home. The bonus of staying home was that Kieran had off work today so while I felt sickies at least he would be there to make the day better. Before my Dad left to the factory he told me to call my boss and let her know that I wouldn't be in. Before doing this, yesterday I was sure to let my supervisor know that I may not come in (this day) because I wasn't feeling to good. So 8:30 in the morning rolls around and I call the factory promptly and the secretary (who knows me) says "No problem I will let Jill(my boss) and Bob (my supervisor) know right away that you will not be in."

If I knew the secretary was completely incompetent to deliver a simple message I would have just taken a painkiller , went to work, and avoid my Dad screaming at me like I just anally raped his mother and left her to die in a parking lot dumpster. I have worked almost 3 months at this crap factory and this was my only day off, I believe myself to be a decent worker and I admit I do make a few minor mistakes here and there, but I am a n00b so I will be kind of surprised if my boss or supervisor will be just as angry as my Dad was today.

My failing goal is that I still hate my parents and that makes me sad. I don't want to hate them or wish they would drop of the face of the earth, and I don't like to fantasize about never ever seeing them again and it actually bringing me relief. I don't understand why my Dad has to yell for everything and why my Mom has to belittle my existence.

I know some of my dearest friends are going through some financial hardships but I can't help feeling that I wish I could trade places with them. I would rather be in a financial ruin and be far away from my parents then to afford my payments and have to live with them. It's a terrible thing to say and feel but I just can't help it.

They make my life feel hopeless and I feel like a trapped animal. Surprisingly though after being yelled at for a good 5 minutes I took it all in, shed a few frustration tears, and kept my head up because in reality this crap life style can't last forever, also I had hugs from Kieran which is always the perfect remedy.

I want to leave them so bad, and this pisses me off because my Dad has the nerve to lecture me that I should be more loving towards my family, but how can that be possible when my family is a cluster of douchebags? I want to believe a year can undo my hatred I built up for them my whole life, but if I fail this goal to repair my relationship with them I won't be surprised.