Worst Month EVER

Since the beginning of January something has been eating me up alive. I haven't felt this much stress since final portfolio class. For those of you who know what it is I wont' go into detail, but for those of you who don't know I will explain the outcome of everything in February.

This incident makes me nauseous and keeps me up at night, it also makes me very cranky and irritable which is really hard not to be. I want it to be over so bad with good results because if not my world is going to take a hard hit. When I started this blog it was made to change my outlook on things and be more positive, but all I feel right now is super negativity.

Writing it down however releases some of the negativity and pressure, but I just know the next day it's going to resurface. I feel this way because everything is finally looking up for me, almost everything I ever wanted is about to be in my hands and I may lose all of it for being stupid so wouldn't it makes sense for the universe to take a big heaping shit on me? As if it were a big "HAHA" to my face that I thought all my dreams and hopes would come true?

That's the me talking that I am trying to change, the me that I want to be believes in this.

I have tried my whole life to do the right thing and so far succeed in being a decent individual. I have made common mistakes that don't deserve so much criticism for, especially for myself. This problem I have going on will be ok because I know I am just overreacting. I do this so if the worst happens I can at least say "I knew it" or if things don't blow up it'll be an overwhelming relief that I can laugh at in the future. I just have to remain positive and do everything I can to make this turn to my favor as much as possible.

It's times like this that I feel the knots in my stomach turn and ask myself "is karma really real?" Right now I just want the answer to this situation so I can move on because for this past month it feels like time has completely stopped and it makes me feel trapped and almost hopeless.