Reunion

The positive energy I was feeling yesterday was sucked out of me when my Mom finally came home from her vacation with her own mother. I know that sounds like a mean thing to say, but I am not trying to be. I was happy she was home especially since she brought me my favorite cookies you can only get in Puerto Rico, but the reason my positive energy took a nose dive when I saw her was because the time she spent away it was easy to feel good about myself.

I didn't have her making her backhanded compliments such as "Yeah I guess you lost weight, but you need a lot more to go." or "Thanks for trying to keep the house clean but I like it cleaner." Today was a little tough since she was showing me all the gifts she got me, which were clothes that were slightly too tight. I really believe she does this on purpose because in her mind she feels it will motivate me, but in reality it just motivates me to put them in the closet and forget about them until next year.

I also worry she is somehow going to ruin my diet/exercise routine because she absolutely hates when I work out in my room. She has this ridiculous fear that jumping around is going to cause the ceiling in the kitchen to collapses since my room is right above it.

However, I am sticking to this year self improvement project and I am going to tackle this with a good attitude. I would even say this is going to be just the challenge I need to over come a big step in my life because if I can get my relationship with my Mom better than that would be amazing.

While on this blog I have to make a small confession. The last blog about me trimming down not to be cute but to be more athletic is half and half. While I don't care to be cute for random people or for that matter friends and family there is someone I want to be attractive for again, and that person is obviously Kieran.

I'm not saying he doesn't find me attractive at all anymore, but I do have to stress some realism when I say the compliments don't come as much as they use to. It's not because he's a jerk, it's not because I think I am a whale, it's because somewhere along the way I did what most partners do in their relationship and that is stop trying.

Out of all the sweet things he has ever said to me the one that I remember the most was when we were walking down the streets of center city hand in hand and he said to me "I love being with you, I swear people step out of our way because they see how pretty you are." I'm making this a sub-goal to the whole weight loss thing and I have been making a few baby steps to become more feminine looking.

For example I stopped biting my nails 1. Because I am not as stressed out as I was in school, and 2. My job makes my hands look disgusting and I really don't want to put them in my mouth. So now they have grown a bit and make my hands look elegant. My next step is to do something with this hair and start dressing les like a factory worker and more like someone's girlfriend.