Good Vibes

Finally after some hectic stress overload this month it's all starting to go down. My whole fear that I had this month is going to come to a close after tomorrow so I can now come out with it. Once again most of you already know this but now for the full story.

When I first started my job at the factory I was aware that people had to take drug tests in order to get the job, but I thought that only applied to forklift drivers and machine operators since I had been working there for some time and no one had said anything to me. The 3 months I thought I had free were really just a temp. position and after those months came the opportunity to become permanent, but only problem was a mandatory drug test that would involve a possible hair test.

Needless to say when I found out I wanted to vomit instantly on go on the highest mountain and cry. I thought of how loud my Dad would scream if I were fired from the job he got me and how the humiliation at his job would make him disown me forever. It was truly a sicking feeling, especially during that time he was screaming at me for the tiniest things. So I stopped smoking for a month and for the past weak I have been washing my hair with a combination for apple cider vinegar, clean and clear acne astringent, Tide, and baking soda (also prepping my hair with T/gel coal tar shampoo and suaves men deep cleaning shampoo)

Doing it once a day wasn't so bad but when the weekend came I did it 3 times a day. After a while the burning pain intensified and my forehead and the back of my ears were irritated and almost felt raw. The fumes made me very nauseous on sunday and a smelled bad from the whole process. This morning I washed my hair with a toxin wash and plan on washing my hair with a second toxin wash I bought just to be extra careful for tuesday. I'm a pretty light smoker so I feel after all these great (painful) lengths I have taken I finally feel I should be ok.

This whole thing has made me feel a roller coaster of emotions. I felt embarrassed about the situation, resentful about my life, and just plain angry. I literally felt like I was being singled out by the universe while everyone got to enjoying toking and not having to stress about something so damn stupid. Now I know that's not really the case and it's been a weird learning experience.

What started the good vibe was when I came clean about the whole ordeal to my mom and I was expecting her to scold me or add to the stress level, but she just said "Oh my God you worry too much you are going to pass that test it's not a big deal and if you fail just lie and demand to take the test again" I know I heard the same thing from everyone else, but there was just something special about when she said it. It was one of our rare mother daughter bonding moments.

I stayed with the good vibe and started my more intense work out regime to finally shed this weight and reach my goal by my 3rd year anniversary with my Kier-bear.

More good vibes to come (fingers crossed boys and girls)