Self-Awareness

So a common resolution for people is to lose weight whether it be for health reasons or just for physical appearance. I want to lose weight too and have been on this path hmm...forever.  At first it was to be cute and have everyone look at how cute I could be being a size 7. Now I'm curb stomping that notion because I could care less about being cute.

I want to lose weight because being a little person sucks, especially being a weak little person. Philadelphia is a rough disgusting city that one day I hope to leave, but until that happens I am here and I have to be tough. I really can't be a threat with jiggly arms and a gut so when it came to losing weight I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to get caught up in the glamor magazines of what society thinks a woman should look like or the stores that clearly cater to skinny people. (That means you H&M with your adorable clothes that never fit)

Every time I had an opportunity to become more athletic my parents would swoop it away and make up reason why I couldn't or shouldn't partake in such activities. When I was a kid I wanted to be in martial arts, but no money which ok I let that one go, then came cadet training, my mom felt it was no place for a woman, school sports was something I wanted to do but neither one of them wanted to pick me up or even go to the games, and finally the military because I really wanted to join the airforce, but they couldn't bare the thought of me joining the military with the whole Iraq/9/11 thing going on at the time.

With nothing to do I ate.

I really didn't like going outside to play with the other kids because I hated the other kids and the outside so I stayed in front of the tv with a whole box of fruity pebbles to myself and whatever else was around. As time went on I grew horizontally but not vertically, which was a disappointment to my mom because she swore I would be tall.

I would say from the 11th grade to my first year of college I was in the best shape of my life, but I flew too close to the thin sun and became severely anemic, and also college stress-eating played a huge part in the game. Once I realized my errors I made a conscious effort to eat better, but then something wonderful happened in April of 2008; me and Kieran Fallon became an item and that's when that happy fat rained down upon us with a fury.

Gaining weight and realizing it is a difficult thing, especially when I noticed a small double chin in the making and my clothes not fitting, but even with all that I kept a good attitude about it towards other people unless I was in private where I moaned and complained every second. But I absolutely can't stand when someone is overweight and they feel the need to be a jerk about it and take out their frustration out on other people. They will  make snide remarks when someone attractive passes by, or over criticize themselves to fish for compliments and reassurance, or my personal favorite complain about their weight while they stuff their face with pizza or whatever. Build a bridge and get your fat ass over it!

Here I am now with a great diet that's actually working for me, exercising out regularly, and going from 190 to 175 this past 3 weeks. My goal for the weight loss is to drop down to 130, but also to have a lot more stamina and toned muscles instead of just dropping the weight and still feeling like play-doh.

Best of luck to everyone else on the same journey!